


A Smoke Screen of Strength

by Anonymous



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Don't be scared of the F/M please, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Healthy Relationships, I have not published in years but I hope you enjoy, Idealization, M/M, Minho and Seungmin are exes, Polite Jeongin does not mean kind Jeongin, Protective Seo Changbin, There will be mental health triggers up, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, protective Jeongin, protective han jisung, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:35:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Chan left the safety of home, of Felix to explore the world and chase after his dreams. Now a performer who performs in front of thousands with the facade of strength and never ending support. Where raw fragile emotions hide behind his never ending dimpled smile as his eyes crease for the cameras happily with the light dusting of freckles across his face always washed out by the camera's light or hidden away due to makeup. The fragile state of peace and happiness is ruined when he sees them.When Hyunjin stares back at him all Chan can feel is pain and numbness of the forgotten friendship the two had. The words Hyunjin yelled at him etched into his very soul. Felix though, his stare is worse. It brings out the ideas of a happy life together, of dreams, childish love, and hope. In a mere blink Chan is in love again. His repressed feelings that had never left come forward drowning him out in old heartache and pain.The love that could have been but he burned when he left Felix crying on the floor all those years ago.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Kudos: 10
Collections: Anonymous





	A Smoke Screen of Strength

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings as Followed 
> 
> \- Panic Attack  
> \- Anxiety  
> \- Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms  
> \- Idealization  
> \- Lack of Selfcare
> 
> I believe that hits the triggers needed for this prologue. Let me know if I need to tag more.

There is a milky blue colouring of the sky when Chan leaves the studio. The sun starts to arise as pinks and yellow blush across the sky. The little song birds flying about chirping and the baristas and bakers beginning to open their little shops along the many streets Chan walks letting the workers and students of the day find shelter if but for only a moment of their hectic lives. 

Cloaked in the remaining darkness that still lingers, Chan walks home. The stars slowly fade as brightness grows and they are overtaken by the most important star of them all. The morning is soft and light as people begin to stumble out of their apartments in a haze. A student is walking with her tired friend that has to be dragged to the bakery for a morning sweet. The business man already rushing out the door on the phone speaking about numbers and investors. 

A pause in the simplicity of life as Chan waits to cross another street. The red light across informing everyone not to move no matter how urgent it seems as taxis, buses, and cars jerk awake at their drivers command pittering off into the early morning. 

A woman next to Chan, middle aged with dark shadows under her eyes and a dirty uniform is as awake as she is asleep. A notification appears on her phone, lighting up in it’s scientifically magical fashion. A missed call and a message. The background is of an older child doing a peace sign with a dog. 

Green suddenly flickers into the corner of Chan’s eyes and away from the woman he goes. He hopes that she makes it home safely and that she gets some rest. Rest is what Chan needs, his body tense and sore from sitting in a chair all night as he rearranged the same twenty seconds of song for three hours at one point never moving from that spot. Deep aches, both physical and emotional are akin to a friend that never leaves him, the industry of performing is never easy on anyone. Even if you try your best and make wonderful melodies it is not a guarantee that you’ll make it. 

Maybe that is why Chan doesn’t complain as much when he talks to reporters, his fans, the other members of his trio. He’s seen people so much more talented than him be crushed by the performance industry, the songwriter who made Chan weep tears turned away because they refused to write pop. The singer who out sang them all not pretty enough to debut, the dancer with the grace and strength of the spring winds being forced into a faceless backup roll while the niece of the company takes their spot, and the one that hurts Chan the most - the ones with the everything going for them, the face, voice, dancing ability at the right place at the wrong time fading into obscurity after missing a debut date by weeks as they then are shelved away until there is need for them and a majority of the time that need never appears as they waste their youth on the pretense of false hopes and dreams. 

Chan can already hear Changbin and Jisung and their arguments. _“It doesn’t matter about what happened in the past you need to rest!” “Please eat, I'm worried about you.” “You’re not allowed in the studio until you’ve showered, eaten, and slept for at least six hours.”_ Such kindness in an industry as dirty as the one that the trio belongs to is the stuff of hidden secrets and myths. 

The train of thoughts comes to a screeching halt and Chan with wide eyes looks on his left. As tired and pained as his body and mind are there is nothing but horrific dread and anxiety crawling its way into old familiar pathways of his brain. The gentle morning turns into a horrific crime scene with Chan’s sense of calmness and fragile happiness being brutally murdered - stabbed multiple times due to what is now in front of him. 

There, on repeat are Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix looking at him. Hyunjin’s gaze is akin to that of a knife plunging into Chan’s heart ripping it out as coldness envelopes Chan and numbness resurrects itself as a horrible internal built in coping mechanism. To take away all the harmful emotions until there is nothing left but the calming sense of a void of nothing. 

Where Hyunjin causes numbness, Felix causes the profane desecration of that numbness. The fail safe that is internally programmed into Chan due to years of trauma fails. The numbness wretched away leaving raw exposed fragile emotions that Chan had not felt in years returning. 

The heartbreak and anxiety look back at him mockingly in the reflection of the glass that protects the magazine from the outside dirty world. From Chan. 

Unable to even let out a sound as tears begin to reclaim their old stomping grounds of Chan’s cheeks he runs. Chan runs to his apartment that was but only a block away. His sense of security broken as he stumbled into his apartment, his once safe space, the door is slammed shut and locked. The dread from that point on increases with the lack of public eye watching him and the inability to breathe sets in. 

Away from the panicking young adult, outside the sun rises, and the birds sing. The city washed away all that the night had with a gentle sunrise and a light breeze. People still waking up as they leave the safety of their home they file in line to let society move forward, the mother two apartment buildings over wakes to her crying baby wanting food. Seven blocks over, Jisung checks his messages and runs out of his bedroom, throwing on only a hoodie and two unmatched slippers after seeing the unintelligible intelligible messages from Chan. Several miles away on the outside of the city rings, Minho wakes to a cat licking his face and another one demanding food via loud meows. 

Away in the safety of a cozy haze the morning sun lays gently across Hyunjin’s face. Eyes twitching under closed lids, as he is slowly pulled from the realm of sleep. A soft small warm lump on his chest, and another warm lump curled around him sleeps gently into the morning. A mess of warm tangled limbs keep the duo stuck together. Where Hyunjin ends, Felix begins in their safe warm pile of each other. 

There is a soft thud outside the safety of the couples bedroom, alone eating at the kitchen table sits Jeongin who splits his attention between eating and browsing his phone. In the kitchen is Seungmin, wanting nothing but his morning cup of coffee with disheveled hair and askew glasses. Among the glass plates and the pots from yesterday’s dinner that Hyunjin washed, and complained about sits a phone encased in blue, silent but screaming as message notifications begin to flood the screen. 

Seungmin mummers a hello, and Jeongin mummers it back - laughing lightly only when Seungmin realizes that he forgot his mug of coffee by the machine. Above the two of them, a couple sleeps unaware of all the damage that they had caused in a city many towns over. Curled up in the safe embrace of each other as warmth begins to trickle in from the rising sun painting their room with a warm hue of happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp I don't know how soon i'll update. I move late January for uni so I think maybe February ? I am still deciding how much to write and am kind of just throwing words on paper right now. This was just a prologue though and the actual chapters will be much longer in the future. Remember water and snack breaks, I hope that everyone has a okay day too along with those you care about ~ . 
> 
> If you have any questions let me know down below ~ !


End file.
